My Second Speech......Have a blessed, garbage-free life!

I thought of sharing my second speech at Toasmasters. Hope you like it....Here it goes....

OPENING
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Sure darling, let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Toastmaster of the day, fellow toastmasters, distinguished guests…..Good evening….

BODY
That may perhaps sound like a joke but in sad reality it reflects the state of the institution of marriage today. Divorce statistics from around the world reveal that divorce is on the rise. And, India is no exception. A few years back, a divorce court in India looked like a haunted building. Now, it is one of the busiest buildings in any Indian city. Thanks to our modern India for having become the Outsourcing Hub of the world. There has been tremendous pressure on marriages in past few decades due to globalization that has induced foreign ideas across conservative cultures. Exposure to western culture triggers the human desire to explore the materialistic world. This leads to deterioration of value systems and cultures that were followed for thousands of years. And, then, the problem starts. In a nutshell, the environment that we live in creates those pressures and we gladly carry those bad energies with us home.

So, what do we do in such situations? Have we taken a moment to think about corrective steps when we lose our temper at home? Fellow Toastmasters, I would like to share a story with you today that made a radical impact on my perception of this troubled world. The name of the story is “The Law of the Garbage Truck”.

One day a man hopped in a taxi to get to the airport. The driver was driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of the taxi. The taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the black car whipped his head around and started yelling at the taxi driver. The man was infuriated. But the taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And, I mean, he was really friendly. The man was perplexed and asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when the taxi driver taught him a valuable lesson, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

CONCLUSION
Fellow Toastmasters, today, people start the day by pointing a majestic finger….using the French vocabulary ….honking as an act of road rage…..ignoring you as you wave at them bombarding you with venomous email or morphed mms ….

If that sounds like a morning routine around the world, how much of a culprit are we in this? Actually, most of us are no less competitive. Even if it is our own fault, we have our own set of defensive-vocabulary-kits and tactics to pay such punks back. We would find an excuse for the day to be grumpy and generously share the irritation to anyone who dares to come in our way. And, nothing makes us happier than seeing those punks getting annoyed. And when we get married, we allow this to percolate into our married lives.

MESSAGE
Fellow Toastmasters, let us change……let us be like the TAXI DRIVER….let us be wise and say, “No”, to garbage. Let us not be like the Garbage truck and make sure that we don’t carry garbage and spread it to other people because successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,
So ... Love the people who treat you right.
Pray for the ones who don't.
Life is ten percent “what you make it” and ninety percent “how you take it! “

Decoding one of the world’s greatest mysteries: your woman

Intriguing topics develop during water-cooler conversations at work.

“I did not know that a snake has been living in my car for weeks…..and I was not aware of that except for the hissing sound which I thought was a fault in the car.”

“My car spun over 6 times on 401 and I escaped unscathed….”
Interesting?!

Thanks to many such real life stories that helps us drive our blues away.

One common story that jumps out is about the better halves. Yeah. “She did this, she did that…..I cannot live with it and I cannot live without it…..”

My American friends and I used to debate a lot about cultures and marriages of USA vs India. They used to tease me in a friendly way saying, “How on earth can you marry someone whom your parents think is suitable for you?!! I can never do that!!” I shoot back with a wry smile, “Because I do not want to have 4 kids from 4 different marriages.” Typically, my friends let me have the last word in this topic.

I listened to a sermon in a Church during a wedding. I learnt something priceless. The priest said that over 50% of the marriages fail in North America and when he counseled couples with marital problems, the common answer that heard was, “He or She is not the right person for me.” It was a very powerful and intense sermon and the priest had already captured the attention of everyone in the church. As the priest was about to conclude with the secret of a successful married life, I am sure it woke a lot of people who were day dreaming. (I sure did.) The priest concluded with an impressive punch line: “It is not about finding the right person. It is about being the right person.”

I am no philosopher, especially in this topic. However, since then, I have made consistent efforts to decode the secret of making a wife happy. It has been over 13 years and I am not even done scratching the surface. But, I did not feel bad about my efforts and it made me feel better when I discussed this topic with my 60 year old friend who snickered at me saying, “Yeah, right! I have been doing that for 40 years and I have reached nowhere.”

But, hey, it is not all that bad and there are definitely perks in learning certain exceptional diplomatic finesse. Stop laughing. You will need this. Good luck. Here we go....

Always be yourself
Women are much more attracted to men who display a lot of self-confidence.' You must have seen guys that are none too attractive with a beautiful woman. This is because she is attracted to his self-esteem and personality, which actually make an ugly guy look attractive.

Little things count
If you know she needs help with something, just do it without asking because she will feel like you really do notice what is going on and she will love you for it. Woman do notice and appreciate these things.

Don't take her for granted
Let her know every day, or at least whenever you are with her, that she is special to you and you want to be with her and no one else. A woman wants to feel like she is the most beautiful in the room in your eyes, so if you want to keep your woman happy, make sure she feels that way.

Make her laugh
Women love men with a good sense of humour even though men seem to think that it's good looks that attract a woman. If you can make a woman laugh, she will be much more likely to feel connected to you.

Be sensitive
Try to be aware of how she is feeling. If you are sensitive to whatever she may be going through, she will be aware of it and will definitely appreciate that you care enough to pay attention.

In case, I have rekindled your misery, I apologize. But, if it is any consolation, please read the following:

Disclaimer:
You are strongly advised not to get carried away and try the following at home. These were tried by highly frustrated men with no brains. But, in case you try to be Mr. Smarty Pants, I am not responsible for any reaction from the folks of Venus (Men are from Mars. Right?!).
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Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense!
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Man: Is there any way for longlife?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of longlife will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife:Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
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Girlfriends are like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers are like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands are like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
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Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Prospective husband:
Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
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Vacationing in a Coastal Wonderland…..

I feel like I need a long vacation because I came back from my vacation just last week. This is such a cliché. Isn’t it? The vacation was great!! Very gratifying!!
Wonderland? Yes. A small coastal village located at the southern tip of the Indian Peninsula that has history of over 450 years. Christianity blossomed in the village as early as 1534. The village is called as Virpandianpatnam. In short, Patnam. Patnam has mostly Catholic population with over 6000 people and is sandwiched between a Hindu town in the south and a Muslim town in the North. The beauty of it is that all have lived together harmoniously for centuries.
Patnam is an intriguing place from all perspectives. The entire population is Catholic except for the floating population. There are over 10 churches. One of the churches is 125 years old. Almost all are related to one another, as most of the marriages are arranged among the villagers. For any wedding, almost half of the village is invited. For any funeral, the entire village is there to support. Every morning the villagers attend the mass at 5.15 am. For every Christmas, all the villagers living in different cities and countries make it a point to spend their Christmas vacation in Patnam. So it is not uncommon to see Patnam born Americans, Canadians, Australians, Singaporeans, Malaysians etc. roaming around Patnam during Christmas.
Yes, I grew up in this beautiful Patnam for over 18 years. When I visited Disney Land, Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, The Alps, it was a great feeling. But, honestly, to be in Patnam, the feeling is priceless. I intend to retire in Patnam someday. I hope my dream comes true.

Spiderman cried….....

I had always encouraged my four year old son to be tough. As he is maturing from his fussy-missy baby world, I have tried to train him not to cry if he wanted something or if he fell down.

The other day he started crying while we were waiting in the hospital. He started wailing in high pitch. As he saw my grim face, the high pitch dropped at least a couple of octaves and his tight-lipped mouth was quivering trying to insulate the noise coming out of his mouth.

Although it was a bit heartbreaking to watch his eyes filled with tears, I managed to keep a tough face and talked to him with a calm tone.

Do you want to be strong?

He nods his head assertively and says, “Yes”.

If you want to be strong, you can not cry like a baby. You are a big boy.

Have you ever seen superman cry?

“No”

Have you every seen spiderman cry?

“No.”

As I was about to present the concluding punchline, he interrupted me. As if a truth had suddenly dawned on him, he raised his voice and said (emotionally), “Yes. Yes. Yes.”

I was perplexed.

What do you mean, “yes”?

Then he said something that cracked me up and completely blew me away.

“Yes dad, I have seen spiderman cry”. He continued to cry.

I had such a tough time controlling my laughter and put up a brave face. Tobey Maguire cries in the movie, Spiderman, when his uncle passes away.

I told him that it is okay to cry, but he should try not to cry for every incident.

These are constant reminders of the profound influence of TV on our lives, especially the lives of our children who do not have the ability to distinguish good from evil.

Well, this is an incident that I have treasured to share it with my son as he grows to be a man.

My Hero Across The Street

I was seven years old and it was a sunny day in Tuticorin where I was going in a cycle-rickshaw with an uncle. He asked me what I wanted to be. I told him that I wanted to be an Engineer. He asked me why I wanted to be an Engineer. I told him that I wanted to be an Engineer so that I can become like my uncle. After several years, this event made me realize that I am nobody if I had not lived across the street of this great man. Several years later, amazingly, with out preparation, I quoted my uncle, during my M.B.A interview, when they asked me why I wanted to pursue M.B.A. That moment I knew who was behind my success all the time. The intriguing thought is that he has never once motivated me verbally. It is probably his imperious look that did all the talking to me.

I have watched him every single morning, afternoon and evening, kick-starting his scooter and zooming to work like a young boy. He would not bother opening the gate for him because he knew I would come running on hearing the soaring sound of his scooter.

Fear was not part of his vocabulary. Once a policeman came to his doorstep and demanded for some money. I was really scared and amazed to watch him threaten this poor policeman. Another time, it was in Madras where I was ferrying him around the city for his errands in a scooter. He asked me to slow down by a coconut vendor for directions. As a faithful servant, I stopped as instructed. There was a muscular coconut vendor with a knife in his hands and, obviously, he did not appreciate the greatness of this man. Having known my uncle for years, I was not the happiest kid on earth at that moment. Even today I remember the way uncle spoke with this vendor and the startled look on this vendor’s face. Within a few seconds, the tough-speaking vendor became very obliging and I still remember the look on his face that said, “Wow, this must be a big person”.

As I continued to chauffer him in the scooter, we went past a College. And, that is when he told me this amazing story. This is about a small boy whom uncle took under his wings. He cared for this little boy and cared for him just like his own son. This little boy became a man. This man struggled with his studies at that time for various reasons. But, uncle never gave up on him and would never agree for this man to fail. Today that boy is a very successful man. He even has uncle’s name as his initial. He is no other than my dad. If my uncle had not done that for my dad, I am nothing today. Not many people know the good side of this great man. Later on, I learnt that uncle’s mum died on periyappa’s lap asking uncle to promise that he will take care of his brothers. So he did.

As my uncle has passed away, I thought of writing a few words because of two reasons. One, I am sad. Second, I want to make sure that my kids know that we once knew a legend in our family.

There is no end to talk about his greatness. There are some incidents that cannot be told. I will treasure those thoughts and hold it dear to my heart.

Curious Minds

It is fascinating to watch our little ones with curious minds. Anyone who would glance at my son’s face would say, “Boy! This guy must be naughty!!” Well, that’s a truth that we dreadfully endure every single day. He is three and half years old. He has, so far, broken his collar bone, sprained his neck, hands and legs and, last week, he got his feet stuck in the rear wheel of a bicycle. After an X-ray, we were relieved to know that there was no fracture. His hands and legs are spotted with scars. He is a full time job. During our first parents’ meeting at my son’s school, as we were watching the teacher expressing her concerns, quite generously, to other parents, I told my wife, “Well, your son is no angel. Don’t’ expect any accolades. It is going to be a long day.” Understandably, the teacher did not wear a smile for most of the time. When it was our turn, my wife and I were exceptionally focused and were prepared for the long list of complaints. The teacher smiled at us and said, “No problem. He is a good kid. You can go.” Stunned!! I had every reason to believe that the teacher had mistaken us for some other kid’s parents. As the teacher read our perplexed faces, she said, “why? Is Abrie naughty at home?” I was very proud of my son until he started his rampant stunts inside the car on our way back home.

This guy is full of surprises. Last week, the teacher had asked my wife to wait so that she could have a word with my wife. Since my wife is the PTA (Parents Teachers Association) rep, my wife also had a few matters to discuss with the teacher. To her surprise it was not for the PTA. It was a complaint against my son.

That early morning, he had raised his hand to say something. He stood up and showed an object that completely perplexed the teacher. It happened to be a “weight” of a pressure cooker. My wife’s meticulous preparation, especially in terms of child safety, for my son is exceptional. What made him carry that? When did he get that? Why? How? All these questions are still a mystery to us.

His curiosity intrigued me and cracked me up. Thanks to his curiousness, he now goes through a security clearance procedure, including strip-searching, before leaving for school. And I am sure he is breaking all the security codes all the time.